Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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