Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
