remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
