I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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