I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
