next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
