PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
