I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
