wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
