i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
