So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
