Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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