Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
