the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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