dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
