He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
