He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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