Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
