There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
