Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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