Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
