Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
