I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
