I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
