For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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