Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
