its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
