Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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