CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
