I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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