My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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