i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
