she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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