Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
