dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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