there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
