just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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