Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
