Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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