i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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