I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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