You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
