Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
