im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
