Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
