I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
