he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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