Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
