I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
