Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
