My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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