how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
