hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
