you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
