OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
